By Brooke Rees | Staff Writer
This is it. The day we’ve been training for all our lives. After months—nay—years of making up excuses for missing parties, happy hours, and basically any work gathering involving extended small talk, we are now being legally forced to stay at home. During this unprecedented time, we are obviously worried for everyone’s safety and well-being. We are thankful for the essential workers and all healthcare employees that are working extremely hard during this time. However, there is one group that I do not want to be overlooked: the extroverts. These are trying times for people who have never learned to be alone, and this guide is for them (or anyone else with lots of free time, or lots of procrastination).
I think the biggest challenge to working from home is going to be maintaining a routine. Keeping that in mind, I’ll give you a little snapshot of what my daily life at home looks like: No day could start without me first getting out of bed at 6AM, stretching down to pet my golden retriever and thanking the sun and the birds for being there with me. Then, I like to take a quick 32-mile jog around my neighborhood, eat a hearty breakfast of protein smoothie and whole kale leaves before sitting down for my first yoga lesson of the—ayeeee did I fool you? Just imagining that hypothetical scenario made my life feel more put together. Anyways, let’s get on with the list:
Become a champion sleeper. Now, I realize I am extremely lucky (perhaps talented is a better word?) because I usually fall asleep within ten minutes of placing my head on the pillow and snapping on my “Sorry, We’re Closed” eye mask. I’m a pretty deep sleeper, too, and apparently quite the sleep-talker. There just isn’t enough time in the day to get my amazing thoughts out. Sleep-talking isn’t a problem for me now, but I fear if I were ever to run for office, it could potentially lead to my downfall, as I’m bound to spill some deep dark secrets. If you’re not like me and it usually takes you 100 minor pillow adjustments and 4 rounds of lullabies, I’d invest some money in either some melatonin, Sleepytime Tea, or a better mattress because this is really going to help fill these endless days. For one, time will seem to pass much quicker when you’re asleep for 15 of the 24 hours in a day. Two, you only need to spend money on 1 or 2 meals a day if you are asleep for the others. Three, you’re allowed to interact with your friends and leave your home in your dream world. If there’s anything we learned from the hit movie, Sharkboy and Lavagirl, it’s “dream, dream, dream, dream, dream.”
Try your glitter-covered hand at DIY. As an introvert and self-proclaimed “crafter”, DIY-ing is one of the best time-consuming and emotionally charged activities you can get yourself into. I don’t know that you will be experiencing happy emotions, but you will experience some emotions (probably frustration and a weirdly powerful hatred for Pinterest). Feeling something is better than the numbness of deep depression! I’d recommend picking a craft that will keep your hands busy, or something not-too-challenging so that you can listen to a podcast or watch an episode of a favorite TV show while doing it. My philosophy when it comes to crafting is basically “pick something a kindergartener would have to do and then do that.” My biggest advice: The hot glue gun is both your best friend and your worst enemy. Respect its power.
Become a famous Youtuber. While your window for achieving true YouTube fame probably passed in 2009, it’s not impossible to amass those subscribers and get free products for the rest of your life. If you’re an extrovert, you’ll probably already be used to talking to someone that contributes little or nothing to the conversation. Perfect, that’s exactly what talking to the camera will be like! All you’re going to have to do is find a camera (iPhone will do!), set up a background with some Christmas lights and fake plants, and adopt an annoyingly cheerful personality. Don’t forget to ask people to like, comment, subscribe, and most importantly, hit that notification bell. If you really want to achieve fame and fortune, you’re going to need to stir up some unnecessary drama. I’d recommend starting a rumor about the beauty community and working your way from there. If you follow all these steps, who knows? You just might come out of this quarantine with a new job and only a little bit less of your soul!