By Brooke Rees | Staff Writer
A while back, my friends and I participated in one of those stupid Internet “challenges.” It’s not 2011 so we weren’t stuffing our face full of marshmallows or eating cinnamon by the spoonful or anything, but it has become kind of a trend to pick a random song that’ll supposedly describe your life, or to google your birthday with “Florida Man” typed in after it to see what horrifyingly weird thing occurred on that day. (Basically, anything to supplement the somewhat ominous predictions my Co-Star app already gives me on a daily basis.) This challenge combined both of these concepts, though now to fit a “quarantine vibe”. We were tasked with googling the highest grossing film from the week we were born, and the film’s tagline would essentially describe what our quarantine had looked like thus far. My one friend got I Know What You Did Last Summer which sported the tagline “If you’re going to bury the truth, make sure it stays buried.” She joked about Fox News, but now it looks like this could just apply to the entire U.S. government. At the very least, hers had mystery, intrigue, and crucially, was vague enough that it might actually fit her “quarantine vibe.” Mine, on the other hand, was “Every ant has its day.” I know what you’re thinking (I thought it, too): This must be from the beloved Pixar classic A Bug’s Life. No. It’s from the movie Antz, (record scratch noise). Every ant may have its day. But should every ant have an entire freaking movie?
With this challenge, we had uncovered the darkest secret in the history of media. In 1998, the most exciting thing to happen was not my birth (as I had believed these past 21 years), it was this weirdly specific ant-themed animated feature feud between Antz (1998) and A Bug’s Life (1998). Allegedly, Pixar’s A Bug’s Life had been in the works for a while when Dreamworks stole the idea of a bug-centered premise and pushed for an earlier release date for Antz.
So, my question is: which one is better? When will we be getting the live-action remake? Cats has already given us a taste of what these terrifying-ants-with-human-faces might look like, so we know it can be done. What is happening? So many questions to answer. Last night, I set out to solve a few of them… okay, really just the first one of which bug movie is better. I don’t have Rebel Wilson or James Corden’s phone numbers. I popped some popcorn, sat on the ground in the middle of an ant colony for some inspiration, and watched a double feature. The results are as follows:
A Bug’s Life:
With Disney’s ever-expanding purchase of the known universe, this Pixar feature was available for viewing on Disney Plus. I hadn’t seen it in years, so the plot was a little fuzzy in my mind. If that’s the case for you too, I’ll summarize it here: an ant named Flick wants to bring the industrial revolution to his pastoral community but is made an outcast. The community is controlled by corporate grasshopper bastards who seize the fruits of the workers’ labor. Flick brings industry and communism to his community with the help of friends from a bug circus. I feel like I got stoned just from typing out that sentence.
Overall, it was cute and adorable, and it had some classic Disney messages about working together and the smallest people making a big difference. But here were some weird things I noticed as an adult:
1. Yes, I know they are making a joke about the queen birthing a lot of children, but this lady looks like she’s pushing 85 in ant years and she has an approximately 7-year-old daughter. How will she pay for her daughter’s college? Is this responsible family planning?
2. Why do we have to fat-shame the caterpillar like that?
3. Towards the end of the film, the spider is seen pulling on a rope to lift the distractor bird up into the air. This is obviously a tough job; hundreds of ants are all heaving their hardest. She is only using two legs. WHAT ARE THE OTHER LEGS EVEN THERE FOR?
Qualms aside, I was excited to see what Antz had to offer. And the excitement pretty much ended there.
Antz:
Right off the bat, I was rooting for this film: This film was my birthright. We’ve grown up together. Look at the title. Sleek. Elegant. Straight to the point and spelled with a ‘z’ so you know it’s cool as f*ck. I was ready to watch.
When I had googled Antz, it said it was available on Hulu. With one click I was viewing the movie. The opening credits were rolling and I was starting to feel excited... until I realized they were speaking in Spanish. Apparently, only the Spanish version was available on Hulu. Now I took Spanish in high school but my teacher had a Bronx accent so all of the words I know are mispronounced (think “wuder” for “water” but in the case of “agua,” a nightmare) so I had to watch it on a different platform.
I won’t deny that once in a language you can understand, Antz starts off with a pretty powerful punch. It brings you into an ant therapy session and oh boy do I have so many questions already: is this session covered by his health insurance? How does one become an ant psychologist (asking for my psych major)?
One thing is for sure, this movie is undeniably funny. The animation is also undeniably horrifying. I think these animators went a little too far towards ant-realism. They have twice the amount of legs, weirdly shaped heads, but yet fully realistic human teeth. This was a bad call… which brings me to my main point: is this movie even for children at all? I googled Antz once again, and it’s marketed as an animated family movie. But in the first couple of minutes the main ant character, Z, talks about his meaningless life. A few minutes later, there is a horrific battle scene and HE LITERALLY CLUTCHES THE DECAPITATED (and still talking) HEAD OF A FALLEN FRIEND. I’m sorry, what? I didn’t realize there was a market for Saving Private Ryan for children.
There are thus only two weird similarities between these films. One, both have a communist agenda. I’m all for it; Marx would be proud. Two, they are about ants. That’s basically it. This leads me to my final conclusion: which one is better?
Here are my thoughts. If you actually want a children’s movie, go with A Bugs Life, for no other reason than the animation won’t give your child nightmares. On the flip side, if you’re looking to join your local Marx club on campus or avoid reading Marx for a philosophy class, Antz is the film for you. In conclusion, here are some weirdly deep quotes that I think fit my quarantine vibe far more than the Antz tag line. Hope you are all doing better than me. Or at least, better than an ant.
“I’ve made a living out of being a failure” - A Bugs Life
“I’m insignificant, but with attitude” - Antz